What If?
by BenjaminWilliam
Summary: Faberry // "I did what I thought my parents wanted, and not what I wanted. And now I've lost everything that was good in my life."


**A/N: A short oneshot. I don't really like it, but not as much as I don't like not posting something I've taken the time to write. So, I'll let you guys be the judge. It'd be nice if you could review. (:**

**As previously discussed, I'm don't own Glee – if I did, it would be stipulated in Dianna Agron's contract that she has to marry me. And I'm still single.**

When Mr Schue asks for a volunteer to sing the original song he'd asked them to write at the last Glee rehearsal, it's Quinn's hand that shoots up. He raises an eyebrow, surprised that Rachel hadn't jumped at the chance to show off. She sits silently in her chair, not looking at anyone. He hasn't ever seen her so...introverted. "Okay, Quinn, the floor's yours," the teacher says, but his eyes are still settled on the fallen star. Maybe he should ask Miss Pillsbury to see her..? Seeing that Quinn is still standing stock still at the head of the stairs, he gives her a nod of encouragement. He has to admit, he's intrigued by what the blonde would write about – she's been through a lot, everyone knows that.

The cheerio can't believe she's about to do this. Her heart's in her throat, her palms sweating and the whole world feels like it's going to crumble around her – oh, wait. It already has. So, even though she feels like she's about to show Glee club her breakfast, she sits behind the piano and brushes her fingertips over a few of the keys. "Umm, hey guys," she says to address the gleeks, and everyone but Rachel gives her a smile in return. Kurt's smile in particular eases her nerves, since it's no secret that he doesn't really like her – especially not since she'd hurt Finn. "So, this is a song I wrote called Brown Eyes. You'll know if it's for you."

It takes a few seconds for Quinn to compose herself where she sits on the piano stool, before finally taking a breath and letting her fingers dance across the keys.

"In your brown eyes, I walked away. In your brown eyes, I couldn't stay. In your brown eyes, you watch her go. Then turn the record on and wonder what went wrong."

Rachel lets out a small gasp, and the memory floods her mind painfully. It was a week ago, on what had been their one month anniversary.

"_Quinn?" Rachel says from where she's lying in the blonde's arms. She gets a "hmm?" in response, and continues softly, "I think I'm in love with you." Instantly, she feels the body encasing her own tense. Then the warmth was gone entirely – Quinn has managed to wriggle out from beneath her entirely and was now on the other side of the room. The diva felt tears prick at her eyes, but she doesn't want to let her girlfriend see. She was so sure...She knew it was early in their relationship – she'd been with Finn for six months, and had never once even thought about declaring her love for him. But Quinn was different. She had been so certain Quinn felt the same when she had let the words slip. Now, she wasn't so sure._

"If everything was everything, but everything is over. Everything could be everything, if only we were older. Guess it's just a silly song about you and how I lost you: and your brown eyes."

"_Rachel, I can't do this. I'm sorry." That's all the blonde say before she lets herself out of the Berry household. Rachel lets her tears fall freely now, and puts the Celine Dion CD she knows both of her dads hate into her hi-fi – it's her sad music, and it couldn't be more fitting. Outside, Quinn is trying in vain to stop her own tears flowing. She'd thought it was for the best, and it probably was. She just didn't know it was going to hurt so damn much. The cheerleader takes one last look at the perfect suburban house that had seemed so much more like home than her own ever had, then left it behind. Forever._

Halfway through the third verse, Rachel knows that she's heard enough and stands up abruptly. However, instead of her usual flamboyant display, she merely walks to the door and with one quick glance back at Quinn swallows a sob. Despite her intent to slink out unnoticed, Rachel knows that all eyes are on hers' including Quinn's. She sees her ex-girlfriend's lip tremble, and she forces herself to leave – if she doesn't, she'll never forgive herself.

Mr Schue looks at her, and she realises she's stopped playing. He smiles encouragingly, but the cheerio knows she can't continue. Her muse has left, and with her she's taken Quinn's confidence. "I can't, Mr Schue," she tells him honestly, and before she knows it she's standing. It takes her a second, but she knows what she has to do. Her feet carry her where she needs to be, "Rachel!" The brunette is nowhere in sight, and the cheerleader breaks into a sprint, "Rachel!"

"What do you want?"

Quinn sighs in relief when she spots Rachel standing beside her locker. "Rachel," she says, although it comes almost as a second sigh. She takes a step forward, the other girl takes a step back. "Rachel."

"You said that already," Rachel points out needlessly. Her arms are crossed, and she's leaning back against the lockers defensively. Quinn can feel the coldness radiating from the diva like ice, and every second she looks at her she's reminded of the mistake she made. How could she ever think that breaking up with this girl, this _goddess _was the right thing?

"I messed up so badly, Rach." Her eyes are focused solely on the dingy tiles of the corridor, because she doesn't think she can bear to look at the girl she singlehandedly destroyed. "I did what I thought my parents wanted, and not what I wanted. And now I've lost everything that was good in my life." She takes a deep breath, knowing that she needs to pull out all the stops if she ever wants another chance with the girl she was falling in love with – no, with the girl she _has _fallen in love with. "I spent every minute of our relationship, wondering when you'd realise you could do so much better than me. I counted every single second as a blessing, because you were in my life. I'm sorry I didn't say it before Rachel, but I'm in love with you. I am so in love with you."

In her head, Quinn had concocted a whole speech to beg Rachel to give her a second chance. And now, standing here, she knows she doesn't deserve it. That is the whole, crushing truth. "That's all I had to say. I'll just...go now." Quinn doesn't want her ex to see the tears in her eyes, which is why her steps towards the exit are hurried.

"What if I don't want you to?"

The cheerleader stops in her tracks.

"What if...what if I just want you to come back here and kiss me? What if I want you to tell me it's all gonna be okay, that you're here and it's not a dream? What if all I've been able to think about is the fact that you haven't been in my life for a week, and it's physically killing me?"

Quinn's scared to turn and look into Rachel's eyes, but she's more scared to walk away from the only person she's ever loved. She turns. The other girl is looking at her through teary eyes, and her arms are no longer folded defensively. One is running through her hair, the other playing with the hem of one of her many hideous jumpers. Her voice had started strongly, before dwindling away into almost nothingness. Quinn can still hear what she says: "What if you're the best thing that ever happened to me?"

Quinn doesn't know how to reply. So she settles for not saying anything. Instead she gathers the shorter girl into a hug, which Rachel soon manages to manipulate into a kiss. When they break for air, Quinn keeps her arms wrapped tightly around Rachel's body and places a gentle kiss on the girl's head. "I miss you," she feels, more than hears, mumbled into her neck.

Quinn gives a wry smile, "Why? I'm right here."


End file.
